Monday, January 18, 2010

I Only Do It Because I Love You

Has Bioware really gotten a grasp on the good vs. evil schematic yet?
I love Bioware.
Baldur's Gate dropped-I was there.
Regardless.
Here's a synopsis:
You beat up the abusive bartender for the bar wench.
The slider moves up a quarter inch in the blue bar.
You beat up the bar wench (to keep her in line), quarter inch in the red bar.
Blue bar: Everyone is polite to you.
Red bar: Merchants say something pissy before the purchase menu opens.
But they're making promises for ME2.
Here's hoping they deliver.

I just finished Assassin's Creed 2.
Don't bother trying to get that sand tossing acheivement.
Just whack your controller off of something.
Then immediately check to see if all of the buttons still work.
Mutter, "Bullshit," under your breath.
And dye your clothes a new colour instead.
Save you a whole bunch of time.
Did you do that when you were kids, by the way?
Whack your controller off of something and then immediately calm down?
And then check to see if all of the buttons still worked?
It's like the game reeled you into a frenzied sort of trance.
And damaging your controller was the only way to snap out of it.
Ever see how bulls have their testicles clamped up during rodeos?
But as soon as they take the clamp off, the bull's cool with everyone?
Same thing.
You'd kick around like that, too, by the way.
If someone clamped up your testicles.

1 comment:

  1. I didn't do it as a kid. But I do it now. Wel,l I did a little bit during my Golden Eye days.

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